About 2 years ago, I attended a training program that was life changing for me. It was one of the most intense and difficult things I’ve done in my life and it began a transformation in me that brought me closer to my true self and helped me find my true purpose. Big stuff!
I have so many lessons from it, but at the end of the day, the most profound for me was the deep knowing that nobody needs me to take care of them. I know that this sounds pretty simple and straight-forward, but for me it shifted everything.
If you’ve read my blogs or know me you probably know that I was the “big sister” and grew up feeling pretty responsible for everything and everyone. I also had a healthy (actually not so healthy) drive for perfection and to gain other’s approval. It kept me striving, kept me separate and kept me feeling that I was the capable one that could take care of everyone and everything.
It started in my family and then carried over into work and other aspects of my life. Bring it to Lillie. She can handle it. She can clean up the mess. She can organize the dysfunctional departments and get them back on track and producing. And, I could!
For fifty plus years, this was how I operated. Lot’s of responsibility, lot’s of challenges and ultimately resentment and burnout.
While I was going through this training, I began to see how this perspective and approach to life caused me not only to over stress myself, but it also caused me to see people as not as capable as they are. The instructor at one point said, “you’re not seeing people in their greatness.” Boy, that really opened up a new perspective for me.
I‘ve felt for many years based on my own life and observations of others, that everything in life has a purpose and ultimately works to our benefit (maybe just a lesson that we need to learn), even if we can’t see it at the time. I believe that everyone has their own journey on this earth, and that everyone in our lives is here for a purpose.
The breakthrough that I had in this training was that me feeling that I needed to step in and shore up what I perceived was another person’s weakness, was holding them, and me back. It wasn’t honoring our individual journeys and seeing that each of us is magnificent just as we are. After all, we come from the Divine!
This new perspective doesn’t mean that I don’t care for people and support them where they need or want it, but the way that I see them and my role in their challenges is different. I can honor them and their journey and know that they are exactly where they need to be at this moment in time.
It’s like being a parent. We want to protect our children from any hurt or heartache in life. Barbra Streisand sings a beautiful song about this called “If I could” where she talks about the desire she has as a mother to take away all the hurt and hard lessons. She sings “but I know that I can never cry your tears, but I would, if I could” I know this is how I feel about my son and so many people I love, but that is not in their best interest.
Abraham-Hicks says, “When you expect another to succeed without the benefit of your help – you see them as their Source sees them. When you believe another needs your help, and you attempt to shore up their weakness with your strength – you help them not.”
I can’t begin to describe the elation that I felt when I really got this! It was pure freedom and love. I was on cloud nine all day.
Something to think about, isn’t it? I’d love to hear your thoughts.