Gifts of Breast Cancer - my I don't give a shit attitude


When I was being treated for breast cancer, many people recommended and gave me books.  One of my favorites was Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.  What I took away from it or maybe in hearing Louise Hay talk about it was that cancer is a signpost on the road of life telling you that you are going in the wrong direction.  It is your opportunity to reflect, evaluate and change course. 


That was certainly true for me.  I believe my spiritual path and the way that I live my life was significantly altered as a result of having cancer at 27.  It truly was a gift to me and I began to look at things that I’d held as absolutes as more grey.  I started to let go of some of the requirements that I placed on myself that drove me and kept me in a state of dis-ease. 


My cancer was difficult for all the people that loved me, especially my ex-husband.  It was scary and difficult, and it was also the beginning of a new person coming to life.  I found that things that I’d pushed myself to do to please him and others were not as important to me anymore.  He began to refer to it as my "I don't give a shit attitude" which actually was a great description of it!  I don’t think he felt it was so great, but I knew that it was something that I needed to aspire to more in my life.


You see, I’ve been a highly responsible person - to the extreme - all my life!  I care about everything and have a tendency to take on more than my share.  Over the years, my "I don't give a shit attitude" became my mechanism for finding balance in my life.  When I’d go to the extreme in terms of commitment and effort, this attitude would come along and bring me back to something closer to center.  I could never get to a complete "I don't give a shit attitude" but at least it brought me out of the craziness that I could work myself into. 


In recent years I‘ve come to, what I feel is, a better place.  I’ve started to look at why I pushed myself so hard and why I over committed in the first place.  Why the need for perfection?  Was it for approval?  Love, maybe?  Bingo!  Being the oldest girl and being expected to “set an example for my sisters” started the ball rolling. 


I’ve come to learn that I am imperfect and I am enough!    I am infinitely lovable simply because I exist (as are you).  The truth of it is that even when we’re doing things to please others and earn their love, we really don’t have a real relationship with them.  How could we if we’re not completely ourselves?  Who do they have the relationship with?


How about you?  Have you approached your life in a way that made you over commit and strive for perfection (which by the way doesn’t exist)?  Share with me in the blog below.  I would love to hear from you.


With love,  Lillie