Have you ever felt stuck? That there is something that you want to do, but you can’t seem to find the motivation to move forward with it? I think we all have at one time or another. Interestingly, it has been happening to me over the last few months about writing my next blog. Maybe you’ve noticed that I haven’t written in a while.
I’ve been planning to write and tell you about the amazing experience I had in Australia with Brené Brown and her senior faculty as I trained to become a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator-Candidate. It was outstanding and life changing, and I’m so grateful and excited to begin this work.
So, that was March and this is July….so what’s the hold up? There were some valid reasons initially. I came home from Australia and a week later went to be with my dear brother-in-law and sister-in-law to help the family as my brother-in-law entered the last stages of his battle with lung cancer. I came home and two weeks later my second granddaughter was born. Quite the whirlwind of life, huh? They were both beautiful sacred events in my life and I felt it was such a privilege to be a part of them.
After that, time slipped by and I noticed that writing the blog just never made it to the top of the list. It is my practice these days to not force myself to do things and just power through, I did too much of that in my past (especially my Corporate days) and I want something different for my life now. I aspire to follow my inspiration and do things in a way that feels good. You know feeling good is really the point in our lives. That’s when we know we’re connected to our true selves – when it feels good.
So this was puzzling me. Why was I not writing about something I am so passionate about and excited to bring into my practice. I mentioned it to my Daring Way Case Consultant Cheryl and she said, maybe you should write about “processing the stuck.” Humm…I felt a space in my chest open up.
One of the great things about Brené’s work and those that facilitate and train it is that everyone knows and expects that we’re all “doing the work” on an ongoing basis. We will always be working on this. We get huge insights and breakthroughs as we do this work, but it’s not work that you can check off that you’ve completed and you’re done. It’s a life long practice.
So in I go I to do the work. I sat quietly with my journal and started to ask myself some questions:
Is this an area of my life that I want to Show up / Be Seen / Live Brave™? Absolutely!
I asked myself what’s keeping me from getting started? I felt it. Oh, fear…there you are again.
I asked what is driving the fear? The floodgates opened…I heard; am I ready? After all, it’s so new to me and it’s such important work. I want to get it right. Can I represent it well and do it justice? Have I found my voice around this amazing work? On and on it went. Which, of course, all just translate to “am I enough?” There it is…the Gremlin (aka Shame tapes.)
I realized that my perfectionism armor was fully in place. I was feeling vulnerable and I was protecting myself with my armor of choice - perfectionism. This is what I have learned from Brené about perfectionism. “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.” “Perfectionism is self-destructive because perfection doesn’t exist. It’s an unattainable goal. Perfectionism is more about perception than our internal motivation, and there just isn’t a way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy we spend trying.”
If we want to be free from perfectionism and live life more fully, we have to make the oh so long journey from “What will people think?” to “I am enough.” Brené says in Daring Greatly™ that “to claim the truths of who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections. To be kinder and gentler with ourselves and each other. To talk to ourselves the same way we’d talk to someone we care about.”
This is so much easier said than done, but this is how I want to live my life. I gave myself permission to show up and be seen. To write to you from my heart about my process and to hope that it serves you in some way, no matter how imperfect it may be.
So here’s to Daring Greatly™! I’m beginning my Daring Greatly™ workshops this fall. The first one is sold out, but more to come on the next one. I hope you will join me in the arena as we aspire to live our lives more fully with our whole hearts.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear your stories of being stuck and how you processed through it in the comments below.
Until next time…